For women, intimacy on the other side of menopause can be fantastic. Let’s stop listening to all the hype about menopausal women and their “lack of interest” and instead learn 4 sure-fire ways to make sex terrific every time!
Hollywood B.S.
If we go by what Hollywood sells us, it is “the act” alone that easily gets women over the finish line (and no, we are not talking about running), complete with fireworks and typically lots of overly dramatic screaming and moaning to boot.
But the reality is that “the act” alone works for only about 18% to 25% of us.
So yeah, thanks Hollywood.
The reality is that physical intimacy can be fantastic for women over 50, but it does require effort in knowing yourself, your body, and your partner. If you’re over 50 and feeling like your fireworks have fizzled into a dud sparkler, you’re not alone. The good news is that this can change and with a bit of focus, the “true you” will be able to emerge.
The Numbers Don’t Lie
Studies show that only about 18-25% of women finish from the act alone. This means the vast majority of women need more, be it a particular position, some type of special attention, a shift in mindset, or all of the above.
Therefore NO, you are not alone—no matter how many times a man has tried to convince you otherwise. Let’s ditch the myths, embrace what feels good, and take control of our own pleasure.
TRICKS TO MAKING IT GREAT EVERY TIME
As we work through these tips and tricks, remember, awareness is everything. You want to be aware of your body, your mind, and your partner.
Tip 1: Get Yourself Into The Right Mindset
If your mind is running through all the ways your body isn’t as fit as you’d like it to be, there’s a low chance you’ll be able to get into “the zone” that is required to cross the finish line. Trust me that there is a high likelihood that your partner feels as if he’s won the lottery, so keep your mindset in this place of gratitude.
Because menopause causes estrogen levels to drop, some lubricant may be necessary. No biggie. Try out a few brands and go with what you like best. Work it into your intimacy with light-hearted vigour, and not awkwardness or embarrassment. It’s a great tool and can be great fun!
Tip 2: Communicate With Your Partner (Verbally or Through Actions)
You may have a long-term partner who hasn’t updated his playbook in a long, long time. Don’t be afraid to bring up new ideas or activities that you know will get you there. Communication is key, and there is an extremely high probability that he will love the new territory and the excitement that comes along with it.
Be confident in giving instructions to your partner, using words or actions. Let’s face it, when you’re alone you’re typically batting a hundred, right? You know what you like and what works, so why be shy to share this with your partner? He will likely be empowered and thrilled to be able to get you where you need to go. Simply find a playful and fun way to communicate your wants.
Tip 3: Always Follow The “Ladies First” Rule
A great way to ensure that every intimate encounter with your partner is highly satisfying for you both is to follow the “Ladies First” rule. And yes, it means exactly what you think it means.
The Ladies First rule is a game-changer because, firstly, you never have the problem of the man rolling over and passing out before you’ve crossed the finish line. Second, your partner will be so excited from the act of pleasing you, it will make his experience even more thrilling. And third, physically, the act itself is a million times more enjoyable for both you and your partner when it is done after you’ve crossed the finish line. Three great reasons to follow this simple but important rule!
Tip 4: Explore Explore Explore
Try to use the first 15 to 30 minutes together just exploring, as it allows you to sink into the moment. Research has shown that it is normal for woman to need time to enter “the zone” when it comes to intimacy, and if you don’t allow your brain sufficient time, finishing is going to be an uphill battle. Try mindfulness techniques such as deep breathing, and good old fashion touching, kissing and caressing. Your connection is intensified when there is also teasing and anticipation. Don’t rush!
And what about toys? The stigma that used to surround bedroom toys is officially gone and people of all ages are happily buying goodies to use with their partners. And remember that these are for both of you, so frame it as a fun, shared experience rather than a “replacement” for them. Finally, don’t be afraid to try new positions, maybe something you or your partner have seen online. After all, why not?
The Bottom Line
Intimacy can be fantastic for women over 50, but communication and mindset play a huge role. Focus on the journey rather than the destination, enjoying the process along the way.
Our 50s, and beyond, can be an incredible time for discovering what really makes us feel good—without the pressure of youth, performance anxiety, or outdated expectations. So whether you’re finishing every time or still working on it, keep exploring, keep communicating, and most importantly, keep having fun.
